Olympus...

Haven't done this in a while, but...

2008-11-05T21:12:36Z

Sorry for the disruption folks...

2008-07-24T19:07:26Z

For some reason Kerfuffle Bunny went down for a bit...don't know why, but it fixed itself.

http://www.youllallpay.com/kb

Awright, a bit of self-promotion

2008-07-11T18:08:38Z

For the past few weeks I've been doing a web-comic. Y'all can check it out here.

http://www.youllallpay.com/kb

Introducing...Kerfuffle Bunny! Enjoy.

Sean's Movie Meme

2008-07-09T18:05:17Z

So, I guess the thing is to BOLD the ones you've seen and UNDERLINE the ones you own in any media. "Any media". Like I have a 70mm reel of This is Spinal Tap in my basement.

Anywho.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994)
21. Schindler's List (1993)
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985)
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

Now, some of these I used to own, but we sold our VHS collection when the Last VCR died. So I gotta replace a bunch of movies with DVD it seems.

Also, there might be one more, but for some reason this list is missing # 24.

Writing is annoying me.

2008-03-19T16:28:20Z

I've got four chapters of my book done...ish. I keep getting awesome feedback from my readers (...it occurs to me that I don't know if they're on LJ or not. Well, if you are...WHOO YOU! Y'all dost rocketh!) so there is the process of going back, fixing the stupid shit I should have caught the first time (beginning was SO rushed it's not even remotely funny) and so on.

That is not what is annoying me.

What is annoying me is the inevitable "What's next?" process for every chapter. I wait days and days, write and erase, write and erase, fumble through the fog...and it is like fumbling through fog because it's always a bit at a time comes to me. For instance in chapter five (not yet written) I know my Dauntless Heroes will encounter a [thing] and probably [another thing] and, I think, will end up [place]. It's all the stuff in between...including in between the end of chapter four and the first encounter with [thing].

So I'm just venting spleen here. I know there are other authors and such on my flist...y'all have this problem?

Open invitation to customer service folk!

2007-08-03T16:28:32Z

Ever worked customer service (phones, waiting tables, behind a counter...whatever)? Ever snap and wreak horrible, bloody...or just small and petty...vengeance upon a customer or manager/supervisor?

Wanna tell the world?

Post your CS Revenge story here, or mail it to me at kalel_3@hotmail.com I'm collecting stories for a series of essays that may, hopefully, be included in a book someday.

Hit me, folks.

(No "apocryphal" tales, no "friend of a friend of a friend's cousin's roommate's uncle once told me..." stories. Stories should be something you did or actually witnessed. Identities will be changed to protect the guilty, as well as company names. Any questions or reservations, you can also contact me about them at the above address.)

Thanks!

The Internet May Be God

2007-07-09T13:47:32Z

...or A God. Or, perhaps, trillions of little gods in the forms of ones and zeroes.

Anyway.

So, last night I howl my misery into the Silicon Infinite Void.

Today I get a call from a placement service.

At long last, the siege may be lifting. I just might have a job.

I don't know yet, so I'm holding off from counting any poultry. But I got my first call back in months!

So, happy. Also, a little spooked.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not the most religious person in the world. There's a stubborn core of humanist in me that refuses to let me pray. I have resolutely refused to bend my knee in supplication to an Invisible Figure or Figures.

The day after I break down and sob into the machine, I get a call.

Did I inadvertently pray to the Internet?

And did the Internet respond?

Possibly. Maybe. I DON'T CARE! I may have a job!

So cross your fingers, friends and countrymen.

And, uh...thank you, Internet. I promise I will donate some portion of my first paycheck to whatever cause or charity that Allyson or the Buffistas may be sponsoring at that time.

Just in case.

Huh.

2007-04-11T18:45:24Z

...I have a tree.

Huh.

Thank you Tree Fairy.

Huh.

...

Is it Arbor Day and I forgot?

A Congrtulatory Message to America

2006-11-09T03:08:38Z

http://www.youllallpay.com

Congrats, America.

Meme-iness

2006-08-30T19:15:43Z

1. How old do you wish you were?
Somewhere around 900 years or so. After that long I figure I'm not stopping, right?

2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Home. Then work. Then home again.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Shake them until they submit and give me either food or cash.

4. Do you consider yourself kind?
No.

5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
The Captain Marvel thunderbolt on my shoulder

6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Gaelic. What the hell, right?

7. Do you know your neighbors?
Yes. Yes, I do. And I even like some of them.

8. What do you consider a vacation?
Not being at work.

9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Follow it where?

10. Would you move for the person you loved?
Um...depends. Are they moving to Antarctica or just, like, Simi Valley? 'cause no way am I moving to Simi Valley.

11. Are you touchy feely?
Get away from me.

12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes. Sometimes they also explode.

13. Dream job?
Television writer.

14. Favorite channels?
Currently? Spike. It's the only channel we get aside from the normal networks and seventeen hundred spanish channels.

15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
Home. With beer.

16. Showers or bath?
Shower. I'm too tall for most baths to be comfortable. My knees get cold.

17. Do you paint your nails?
No.

18. Do you trust people easily?
No. And why are you asking all these questions, anyway?

19. What are your phobias?
Heights.

20. Do you want kids?
I'd better or my daughter is in trouble.

21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
And leave evidence lying around? Hell no.

22. Where would you rather be right now?
Anywhere but work. Really. Anywhere. The surface of Mercury without a spacesuit? Is it work? I'll take it.

23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
A gun. I kid. A big gun.

24. Heavy or light sleep?
Light.

25. Are you paranoid?
Only when I'm not wearing my tin foil hat.

26. Are you impatient?
How many fucking questions are in this thing?

27. Who can you relate to?
People who do idiotically heroic things. I don't know why, I've never done anything heroic, but there it is.

28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
Who gives a crap who's married to who? I have no opinion on the subject and consider race to be irrelevant.

29. Have you been burned by love?
Who hasn't?

30. What's your life motto?
Never give up, never surrender.

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Beep. Beep. Beep.

32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping.

33. Who was your last text message from?
I don't know. It was...more than...a year ago. Yikes.

34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
California is a community property state, so...half mine.

35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Greenish tan?

36. Most recent movie you watched?
Capote. It was good. Before that was The Weatherman. Which was the exact opposite of good.

37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
Wedding ring, wallet, watch, glasses, surly disposition

38. What color are your bed sheets?
Um...patterned?

39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
None. Join the 21st century

40. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
The edible part

41. What is your favorite town/city?
My heart will always belong to Ann Arbor, Michigan

42. I can't wait till...
2:30 pm, when I go home.

43. Who got you to join LJ?
Emily Stuckey

44. What did you have for dinner last night?
Meatloaf, brussel sprouts and a big ass baked 'tater slathered with butter and sour cream. Mmm MM!!

45. How tall are you barefoot?
Between 6' and 6'2"

46. Have you ever smoked crack?
Not yet.

47. Do you own a gun?
No.

48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee, followed by coffee with a coffee chaser.

49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
A death ray. Wait, that's for world domination.

Look, have you *met* me? There's no secret weapon. There's no "weapon". If I could lure the opposite sex *at all* I might not have the aforementioned surly disposition.

50. Do you have A.D.D?
No.

51. What time did you wake up today?
4:30 a.m. And fuck you.

52. Current worry?
Money.

53. Current hate?
Stupid people. That's not current, that's "constant".

54. Favorite place to be?
Home.

55. Where would you like to travel?
Ireland.

56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
I don't think that far ahead. It only lead s to trouble. In ten years, who know? I could be an international man of mystery. Or homeless.

57. Last thing you ate?
Meatloaf.

What music would be played at your funeral?
"God's Comic" Elvis Costello

59. Last person that made you laugh?
My wife.

60. Worst injury you ever had?
I fell off a three story roof once. But that wasn't so bad.

61. Does someone have a crush on you?
Did you read the "secret weapon" question?

62. What is your favorite candy?
Um. I don't have a favorite, actually. Not much of a candy guy.

Wait. Jujyfruits.

63. Favorite erogenous zone?
On me or someone else?

You'll All Pay #44 is up!

2006-08-10T19:18:56Z

You'll All Pay #44 is up!

http://www.youllallpay.com

And Now For Something...

New YAP...new site.

2006-06-23T03:41:54Z

Visit the new YAP #43 at its new home:

http://www.youllallpay.com

"A Sling and a Miss"

YAP #42 is up...and in a new place!

2006-06-16T03:57:54Z

You'll All Pay #42

Ptang!

http://yap.danielloyd.com

(And there'll be a new address in a few days, once we get some technical issues figured out.

Also, check out Filter on the G4 network [http://www.g4tv.com/filter/index.html]. You might just see somebody you know.)

After nine long months...

2006-06-01T19:34:29Z

You'll All Pay #41 is up.

"Roll 'bama!"

GGGRRRRAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! HULK SMASH!

2005-12-23T14:00:40Z

So, holiday weekend, yes? *Usually*, this means shifts end two hours early, there ya go, good work, go home.

And such was the case yesterday. "Tomorrow, go home early."

Today it is not the case. Waiting e-mail informs us "unfortunately, we will be working our regular shifts today."

No explanation as to *why*. We're expected to get approximately -3 calls today. So what the fuck?

Fucking goatsucking diseased jism slurping shiteating cocksucking ball sack shitballs. Fuck them. Fuck them up their asses with burning sulphur and brimstone.

Fuckers.

I didn't even cheat. No, really.

2005-11-23T13:42:03Z

You scored as Serenity (from Firefly). You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

</td>

Serenity (from Firefly)

94%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

94%

Moya (from Farscape)

88%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

75%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

69%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

69%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

63%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

44%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

My friends are too good

2005-11-09T16:09:03Z

As most of you may know already, you sneaky bastiches, ya, The Empress, the Punk and I have a shiny new high-speed ultimate-machine-of-doom BatComputer. And it's all thanks to the efforts of many of you kind folk...I hope you know who you are.

I just want to say...thanks. I am humbled and gratified...and deeply touched that you all think we are worthy of such a grand gift. I don't know what I did to deserve such fantastic and magnificent friends, but if you have a clue...let me know so I can keep doing whatever it was.

I owe you all so much. I hope I can repay you all and be worthy of the kindness and generosity yyou have shown.

You guys...you guys are the very best there is.

miracleman @ 2005-09-01T20:03:00

2005-09-02T03:07:07Z

You'll All Pay #40

Crime.

http://www.martyandgroovechicken.com/joe/yap.html

You'll All Pay #39 is up!

2005-07-08T13:22:44Z

You'll All Pay #39 is here!

Delayed a couple days due to irresolvable formatting weirdness on the site...I dunno.

Anyway, #39 is up!

You'll All Pay #39

"Yakkity Yak...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TALK BACK!"

http://www.martyandgroovechicken.com/joe/yap.html

You'll All Pay #38 is, after a long hiatus, up.

2005-06-21T04:17:08Z

Yeah, it's been half of forever. Sue me.

"Man...you turn your back for five seconds..."

http://www.martyandgroovechicken.com/joe/yap.html

Okay, weirdness converging...

2005-04-14T19:53:06Z

We got some oldies station on in the office. I don't know the name of the song, or who sings it, but the chorus is "I'm your puppet".

*snort*

The Universe is trying to tell me something.

Namely that it's a sockpuppet.

I am coming to love saying that word. It just makes me laugh and laugh.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!!

2005-04-14T17:20:37Z

Okay, so, on occasion somebody points me to a new kerfuffle on b.org (RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!) And they usually amuse me, sometimes anger me.

But, dude...sockpuppets?

Comedy friggin' GOLD, baby.

You know things have gone to total absurdity when a joke that wasn't that spectacular to begin with (sorry, Trudes, you know I love ya, but it's hardly the height of hilarity...on the other hand, it didn't suck, either) sparks 300+ posts...in Lightbulb no less...of serious, earnest discussion of, no kiddin', sockpuppets.

Now, for the unenlightened or uninvolved, "sockpuppets" refers to a pseud on a BBS that is made specifically for a joke. It's harmless and usually a rare posting occurence or even a one-shot deal.

300+ posts. Wow, dudes. Just wow.

I'm gonna put the "censorship" and "free expression" and blah blah things aside. The real problem, I feel, is that alleged grown-ups discussed sockpuppets for a number of hours. In all seriousness.

Is that a joke? I mean...you guys are putting me on, right? Sockpuppets?

Nope. Serious as cancer. Hours and hours on whether to regulate or ban sockpuppets, how to regulate sockpuppets, what are the consequences of sockpuppetry...

Wow.

I don't go to b.org much anymore. Just too busy, really...no real objection to the place. And this certainly isn't some huff-worthy incident or issue.

But, dudes...

...sockpuppets.

Say the word over and over again. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets. Sockpuppets.

Is the absurdity sinking in yet?

Sockpuppets.

Think about it.

I have...

2005-04-06T02:44:20Z

...the bestest wife and baby EVEREVEREVER!!!

Happy Early Father's Day to me!

miracleman @ 2005-04-01T22:00:00

2005-04-02T06:20:08Z

So, yeah...the new job, she isn't working out.

Here's the deal...I *hate* the 101 Freeway. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here. LOATHE! Despise with the passion of a thousand suns. Hate.

I dislike the 101.

My commute? All 101, baby, from Burbank to the Western San Fernando Valley.

Hate.

What do I hate more than the 101?

Leaving Emeline in daycare for another hour.

I drop Le Punk off at daycare (which is a wonderful place, really...I'm not disparaging the daycare) at 0730 hrs, the instant the place opens. I woefully drop her off in the care of wonderful people who nevertheless are not her parents and leap onto the freeway. And drive for less than twenty miles. For just under an hour. People should not live like this.

It is beyond frustrating that it takes an hour to drive a mere twenty miles along a stretch of asphalt that has no...NO...stop lights or cross streets or wandering ducklings or suicidal crossing guards. There is no discernible reason for the stoppage and yet...stoppage.

It is, to my mind, insane. People who not only lock themselves in a steel box to drive for an hour and go less than twenty miles and do not mind...are insane. People should not live like this.

So I get to work and pull into the parking structure. They've given us a cute little plastic card to wave at the cute little plastic box and the parking garage gate will magically open for us. Except for the part where it doesn't. For some reason the parking cards have not worked for two days.

Bureaucracy being bureaucracy I take a ticket to enter the garage knowing full well that I will not be paying to egress said building. If I have to kill a thousand office drones, I will not pay to leave this parking structure.

And I go up to my desk. Oh, wait...no, I don't. I go to a training room, as anonymous and oppressive a room as you can find. And I sit at a terminal and I log in and I...don't do what I was hired to do.

No, see...the training for my stated position doesn't begin for a while. But, hey...why don't you come in, learn some of the interfaces, get paid...and, oh yeah, help other departments catch up on their backlog of shit work?

Hey, whatever. A paycheck is a paycheck. Sure, pay me $35,000/year to do scut work, fine.

Oh.

Yeah.

Except for the part where they don't think they're paying me that much.

Whuh?

Yeah.

When the nice HR lady called me to offer me the job she said "...for $35,000 a year..." I distinctly heard this. I immediately got off the phone and told Aimee "...$35,000 a year..." and we both squealed in delight and did a little dance and were generally goofy.

Turns out that's not so much what they wanna pay me. No, they wanna pay me $34,000 a year. The math, it is easy... that is a thousand dollars less.

With gas alone for the extended, useless, sit-in-traffic-alot commute, I'm losin' the moolah. Let alone what they propose to take out of my check for parking which, as I believe I've mentioned, is not as convenient as advertised.

And Emeline sits in daycare an extra hour.

Which, natch, kills me. My heart busts wide open every damn second I'm not with her. An extra hour is 3,600 extra heart busts.

So I e-mail nice HR lady and am all "WTF?!?!" but in polite office language. She e-mails back with "Whuh? Huh? Nah, I said $34,000" and I'm all "Nay, fair lady, the sum was $35,000" and she's all "my notes say $34,000" and I say "Yeah, but your voice said $35,000" and she finally says "I'll see what I can do."

I thought about holding my breath for a nanosecond and gave it up as a bad idea.

At the end of the day, I leave the office. I get into my car. I drive down to the parking garage exit.

I wave the cute little plastic card at the cute little plastic box that will magically open the gate. Work? No, no it doesn't.

So I have to deal with the not-cute-at-all little plastic parking attendant, her horribly cliched and so thick as to be incomprehensible accent, her stupid little piece of paper I have to fill out attesting to the fact that, duh, I work there and have a cute little plastic card which does not fucking work and WILL YOU OPEN THE DAMN GATE ALREADY YOU FUCKSTICK COCKSMOKING GOATSUCKING WHORE?! I WANT TO GO PICK UP MY BABY!! LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Jesus!

So I will be seeking employment elsewhere. I have not yet quit this job, but I will be looking for another one tout suite nonetheless. Somewhere closer, with better hours, and one that pays what they say they will pay.

Fuck this place, seriously. Fuck 'em up their asses with a combination harvester.

To figure out the name of this place, just look in recent business news for "insurance companies under investigation by the SEC whose CEO has recently stepped down. Also, Warren Buffett is mixed up in this, somehow."

I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Last day at this job...

2005-03-24T21:31:14Z

...and it feels so very weird.

They threw me a lunch for my last day. Not just any lunch either...they threw it on the 21st floor, the very top of the building, where they usually do big important year-end type of events. And no lame-ass plate of cold-cuts, cheese and sandwich fixin's...hot dishes of sweet and sour chicken, beef, rice and stir-fry (trust me, this is a big to-do 'round 'bout here.) I wasn't just being farewelled...I was being feted.

It was very nice and very scary and...yeah, I'll say it...sort of depressing. Despite my bitching and whining, this has been the nicest place I've ever worked, with the nicest people I've ever worked with. I'm surprisingly sad to be leaving.

These people are...kinder than you expect, funnier than you think and just so...nice. I feel like I'm betraying them by leaving, even though they all congratulate me and obviously hold no ill will.

I never thought I'd say it, but I will miss this place.